In what is being described as "one of the biggest church landscaping faux pas of the 21st century", a small Baptist church and community are stunned and picking up the pieces after their hedge of protection has been breached.
The congregation of Holy Rivers Baptist Church in Bucksnort, Tennessee had been praying for the hedge of protection for years. "Its how all our deacons ended their prayers," said Pastor Tim Willis. "Now we are all left with questions."
Larry Givens, who has been the church's director of custodial arts for the last 31 years, was the individual responsible for the shorned bushes. "I'm not sure what happened," Givens said. "One minute, I'm listening to Carman's Shakin' the House Live album on my Walkman. The next minute, I'm passed out in the bushes, the riding mower is upside down, the hedge is destroyed, and my shirt is nowhere to be found."
Larry would later go on to say that he found his shirt in the church foyer. "I have no idea how it happened, but this wasn't the first time." Givens also recalled an incident 2 months ago when he regained consciousness after eating through 11 packs of communion wafers.
The entire incident is being investigated by a special task force voted on by the church's Landscape and Grounds Committee. "We've held a meeting every night this week. Sometimes we go as long as four hours," said Gomer Skinkle, the chairman of the committee. "We will meet until the truth is found out, or until the church's supply of Folger's Premium Roast runs out."
Givens has not been fired, but he has been put on administrative probation by the church. He is still required to show up to work. However, he has been stripped of his Walkman, is now required to wear overalls, and must pay 15% for his tithe the next 3 months.
If the contents of this story haven't caused you to believe that this is a simple joke on this 1st of April, then maybe you're a bigger fool than Larry Givens. Nonetheless, hope you enjoyed a laugh! Praise God for the gift of humor!
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