Finding Real Love in a Sex-Obsessed World

 Everyone wants to experience love whether they like to admit it or not. Valentine's Day is a cultural push to express love to that significant other, family, or friends.  For some it's heartfelt. For others it's brutal.

Regardless of your thoughts on Valentine's Day, I want to share with you, or perhaps remind you of one of the biggest roadblocks to experiencing authentic and heartfelt love.

Granted, there are many things that keep a person from feeling the love or the contentment of knowing there is someone out there that genuinely loves and cares about them.  However, one of the most common roadblocks to experiencing genuine love is our culture's obsession with sex.

No, this isn't a post to point out why sex is bad. I believe its a good thing that God created. But, for an overwhelming majority, its something that has been idolized, misused, and abused.  And truthfully, it happens so quick, easily, often, and right before our very eyes on a consistent basis.

I've been in full-time ministry for almost 16 years now. I've counseled and worked with many men and women on the issue of relationships. Consistently, I hear stories of how sex obsession leads to a division, shattered trust, and confusion.

Sex obsession has led to pornography addiction, fueling a $12 billion a year industry. However, I believe pornography comes in more forms than how we typically define.  Pornography is not just inappropriate pictures and videos depicting nakedness and sex. Pornography is in our advertisements that tease sex with provocative images. Pornography is the romantic novel that describes sexual fantasies through words and situations.  Pornography is on our social media newsfeeds. Pornography is in our music and movies. Thus, pornography and sex obsession is in our minds.

Let's think through a typical day for guy named "Albert".

Albert wakes up and checks his Facebook and Instagram feeds. During his twenty minutes of scrolling, he sees a flirty post and sexy picture of a co-worker.  It's what the kids call a "thirst trap" (look it up if you're not tracking).  Albert turns on the television while he's getting ready for work. An ad for lingerie is played. While he's driving to work a song is played on the radio. The lyrics describe sexual exploits in graphic detail. When Albert gets to work he sees the co-worker whose picture he spotted earlier on Instagram. Albert's mind immediately goes right back to the flirty picture. Now, Albert is thinking about his co-worker's body and how hot she looks. While eating lunch, Albert scrolls through videos on YouTube and TikTok. In one silly video a man and woman are seen simulating sex. Albert later checks a dating app in which he sees women just seeking a "no strings attached one night stand". That evening, Albert has a friend from college send him a flirty picture on Snapchat. Albert's mind again goes straight to sex. Before Albert goes to bed, he watches a raunchy comedy that makes multiple references to sex and includes a few sex scenes.

Now, that's just a fictional snapshot of one man's day. And, I barely covered his whole day in great detail. These are just a few moments. However, they're realistic. This is not far-fetched. In fact, its the norm for many. Also, this isn't just the norm for men. It's the norm for many women. 

What's crazy about the scenario is that nowhere in the summary is an account of Albert viewing what we could traditionally call "pornography", but I think we can all agree that sexual content is pouring into his heart and mind. 

This is reality for our culture. I've been working with young men and women for almost 20 years. The last 20 years have been a sort of broken record. People struggle with sex obsession. The inputs may look different and more graphic (its even in video games!), but the result is the same. 

I'm not here to argue who is to blame for all of this. We all are to blame, for letting it happen and indulging it. I'm not even going to get into a discussion on being sexually active with multiple sexual partners. I think I've made my point about sexual obsession being prevalent. Sure, I could go into more detail about how we can come to that conclusion, but that's not the focus of this post.

1 Corinthians 6:13 says, "The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body."

God designed our bodies and He designed sex. While He designed both to be good things, He certainly didn't design either one to become idols or take His place. If we go about this the wrong way, it spells disaster for our lives.

The monster of sex obsession must be given over to God. Only He can free us from the grip and mindset that cheapens our relationships. 

Love comes from God. God is love. (1 John 4:16)

Through Jesus, we can have a full understand of the unconditional nature of God's love. There is no greater love than this. As a matter of fact, even though we might categorize the intensity of love based on how it is lived out and expressed--God's love isn't just the highest level of love. It is the VERY DEFINITION OF LOVE!

Why are there empty hearts on Valentine's Day? Why do you not feel loved? Why do you think you're a lost cause who will never be loved?

I'm willing to bet, you've bought into our cultural definition of love. Problem is, our cultural definition of love is saturated with an unhealthy sex obsession. It's a poor, generic substitute of God's love which will inevitably leave you empty. And, sexual obsession only makes it more rotten.

God's love is different. It's real. It's fulfilling. It's a good way! His love is all I need. Its through the power of His love, that I am truly able to show love to my wife, kids, and others. 

If experienced, His love will have you never wanting to go back to the world's. This may be a heavy topic for a Valentine's post, but I want you to know that I love you. I don't want you to feel empty this Valentine's Day or any other day. Fight back the cultural programming that tries to inundate your mind. Only God can help you with that, and only God will offer you a love that will always last.


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